Were am I

I just feel lately lost in all the shuffle of my life.  I go form disaster to disaster putting out fires not even realizing how I feel about them. I feel like I am doing my kids a disservice but  being this unfeeling zombie.  I feel so disconnected and I don't know when it happened.  I feel disconnected from my spouse.   I don't know if the profession of nursing has done this to me.  I am expected to keep trucking alone never upset at the little old lady who just tried to attack me for the tenth time today because she is senile and angry at dietary for not bringing up her cookies.  Or the patient thats just called me a "motherF***ing bit** for not getting his morphine or bringing on time because I had to deal with someone not being able to breathe.  But Im suppose to smile and treat it like I don't care because that survery coming in the mail and we need to have a good rating.  Healthcare has changed so much in the last five years with introduction of surveys.  Five years ago I would restrict my patients diet to match their healthcare problems.  No you are on a cardiac diet and salt is not allowed.  Now we treat it as its a hotel and the patient orders what they want never learning what they should or shouldn't be doing so we get a good survey.  People most of the time don't end up in hospitals if they doing what they are suppose to.  

My husband keeps suggesting that maybe therapy will help me reconnect but I am not unhappy just realized Im not the most sensitive caring person anymore. I can't tell if this bad or good.